52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life by Andrea Owen

Author:Andrea Owen [Owen, Andrea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4405-6478-9
Publisher: F+W Media
Published: 2013-12-11T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 25

Stop Trying to Run Other People’s Lives

There’s a fine line between trying to help people by giving them advice and trying to tell them what to do — especially if they’ve been clear about how they feel about your advice in the past (either by not taking it or by telling you straight-up that your advice sucks).

I’m sure we can all relate to being in a situation where we know something is best for someone we care about. We see him clearly doing the wrong thing, going down the wrong path, making the wrong decisions. If only the person would listen to us, his life would be better. It makes us crazy that he won’t listen to us, and sometimes it can even negatively affect our own life because we get our panties all in a wad about it.

Just for a minute, keep an open mind for what I’m about to say. You probably think your way is the best way, but again, hang with me for a minute …

I ask you: How do you know these decisions are “wrong” for him? Yes, even if your friend is in an abusive relationship and won’t leave, or your brother is on drugs and won’t get help to quit. In your mind, your advice seems right for that person. But how do you know that what he is going through isn’t exactly what he needs?

You might scoff at this and think, “How the hell can being abused or using drugs be exactly where someone needs to be?!” Here’s where you need that open mind.

Think of a time when you weren’t in a great place and didn’t take someone’s advice about the situation and you eventually got out of it anyway. A time when you got yourself to a better place mostly by your own free will and decision. Think of the things you learned about yourself during that time. Think of how proud you are that you got out and are in a better place now (and if you’ve never taken the time to be proud, do it now!). Would you ever trade that in and go back in time to change the circumstance to have taken that person’s advice in the first place? Probably not. You know you weren’t in a place then to take that advice, for whatever reason, even if it’s eventually what you ended up doing. Your life lessons are yours. They hold unique gifts for you.

My point is: We don’t always know what’s best for other people, even though we are convinced we do.

But here’s the more important point: When you find yourself on the obsessive side of trying to “help” someone, I can guarantee you’re avoiding something in your life that needs your attention.

So what is it?

Is your own marriage a mess while you’re trying to give oodles of relationship advice to your friend? Are you numbing your feelings by overeating while you tell your husband he drinks too much? Are you constantly up your

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